Maybe it’s the heat. Maybe it’s the political landscape. Maybe it’s ME!
I sat down to compose this exposé, and as quick as a wink my eyes closed and I drifted off to slumberland. Suffice it to say, you may think I’m still out to lunch following my explanations for these choices . . .
Looking like the wax of a candle exposed to the current 92-degree heat of this summer, a gelatinous mass of plastic receives an Honorable Mention. Ideas abound: Perhaps it is the waste extruded from a 3-D printer that was then stuck into a make-shift base? Or a pipe dream of cumulonimbus clouds? Alas, that waxes much too poetical and bestows upon it entirely too much credibility. Let’s just be truthful and call it what it looks like: the remains of an anatomy project combining the large AND small intestines. Lacking a shade, it could have ranked higher, but it just couldn’t compete with those that did.
Combine two sizes of Lawnware (copyright) garden containers with Lite-brite (copyright) components, and magically a third-place winner appears. In original, period, age-stained, REAL plastic (un-copyrighted) this top-heavy project uniquely marries flower pots and their saucers into a light show tour-de-force. The Lite-brite (copyright) “jewels” add just the right amount of subtlety to the floral impressions found on the faux wood surface. Unfortunately, intricacy alone does not a first-place finish guarantee.
While clowns normally lead my list of top offenses against taste, the second-place winner exhibits almost all of the traits I consider most egregious. Adding insult to injury, this product would currently cost a whopping 32% more than when it was originally shipped in from Taiwan. Straddling a globe (with what appears to be the North and South American continents—but to which other comparisons might be made) and with a polka-dotted red tie rakishly thrown back to reveal a vest straining to encompass his pot belly, our porcelain buffoon either stoically ponders his predicament, or enjoys the results of it. Situated upon a cheap wooden base and with an even cheaper metal fixture, a ribbed glass globe enlightens this hand-painted Buddha for our times. Perhaps a comment on the current state of the world, I resist comparison to any present political figures.
A more politically correct choice ekes out first prize in this most hallowed category. A Dura-bag (copyright) golf bag—an exact miniature of a full-sized specimen—is all but dwarfed by the hideously oversized (and may I mention, very filthy) golf umbrella shade under which it rests. That a cheap brass-plated circle of metal can support the weight of this cleverly- (or should I say ill-?) conceived combination defies imagination. And just in case you don’t get the theme, the oh-SO-obvious golf ball finial completes our hole-in-one winning stroke in this category.